Don't know

Well at least Thanksgiving dinner went well today. Again I was looking around trying to find if anyone was actually interested in me. Nope all they want is money. Yeah I'm talking about different websites and women. I live in the country so I don't have a chance to get out much. I also take care of my dad. Plus I live in a small house. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised when nobody wants to be with me. So I've got to stop thinking that somebody is going to fall in love with me. I don't make anything to speak of. In fact I feel like I'm falling further behind. It seems like when I might actually get caught up in be a head a little something else goes wrong. So I guess I'm going to try selling some stuff that I don't use that much anymore. And hope I get paid with what it's worth. Knowing my luck I'll get an eighth of what stuff is worth. I hate it that my ex has been on my mind so much lately. Well I hope she has a good life. And that she will find the one that is meant for her. And I'm going to try my hardest to forget about being with a woman ever again. Since that were everything always seems to go.

Should have known.

For the last couple days I've been trying to find someone to go with. I can't deny that I have not been looking for sex or someone to play with or simply to be a friend. I even try talking to my ex via text. Since I am 44 I can definitely say for the last 34 years and I still haven't found someone to go with. So why do I keep trying to find someone. Should be blatantly obvious that no one wants to be with me. I think I am a kindhearted loving caring man. Do I have a temper at times yes. All I ever wanted to do was be with someone, care for them as much as they care for me. So I guess I should try to prepare myself to be alone the rest of my life. I was so stupid last year to believe someone was actually falling in love with me. It's nothing against her. I was just stupid believing that someone would want to be with me for the rest of my life.

Not sure what to do.

Well I have not been on here in awhile. Well got done one of the things that needed to be done. Was able to get the ramp built for my dad. I don't know why but lately my ex been on my mind a lot. We used to use this messenger to talk back-and-forth. For two or three days I was having the urge to look at it but I didn't want to. Finally I took a close look at her picture. Almost like she was posing if there was the wedding band and engagement ring. So I made a comment about it. And told her I hope her and her family have a good Thanksgiving. And so the last couple days have been trying to figure out what that means with her having it on. I took finally look back at that messenger and all she said was hi. Just now I was praying to the Lord about what to do about my ex. And then I got a reading from Tobit eight verse four. It is about Tobias and Sara when they pray to the Lord to bless their marriage. And also has some there were God gave Adam and Eve so he would not be alone. So I'm really hoping and praying that this is what he wants from me and my ex at some point in time to get back together. So if any of you to happen to see this please pray for us and then we will follow God's will. Thanks for your prayers and for putting up with me.