Again I just don't know what to do.

I just don't know what to do concerning my dad. He's back in the hospital again with another mini stroke. I guess the good thing is maybe they can rearrange some of his meds so he feels more alive.

As for me I still wonder why the hell I am here on earth. So that is I just wish I had someone to share my life with that wanted to be with me. But I doubt that will ever happen.

About dad

Well my dad goes in for a procedure to check the veins in his legs on Monday morning. Kind of worried that things might go wrong. But praying things will go well. Dad's big toe is doing a lot better than what it was. This is on the foot that they might have to take off eventually. For the most part we been told since dad's toenail came off that told and what not that it's not good. But since the beginning of the new year's toe has gotten better and is starting to grow a toenail once again. Because most of the time once a toenail is gone it does not return our thing that happens is the cut off moreand more. If anyone is reading this you been praying for my dad thank you. Now I just wish I could find someone to share my life with Oh well. Here's to being alone the rest my life.

I don't know what I am supposed to feel.

• Like I said in subject line I just don't know what I'm supposed to feel or do. Feeling very lonely right now. Wishing I had someone to share my life with. But like it's been all my life except for about six months worth I'm always alone. I can never get a woman to be interested in me. That should say except that this smoke drink drugs or whatever but I can never find a true woman to fall in love with me. And what stinks I pray about this all the time that the Lord will show me the one he wants for me in my life. And I thought I found her. But I was wrong I guess I'm supposed to be alone. Which really stinks. And what really stinks also is that I seem to be pretty good with kids. But at my age I'll never have any of my own. Therefore I cannot understand why I get readings from chronicles all the time when I pray about finding someone. Probably a good thing that I will never have anyone in my life anyways. Because way my luck finances are going I'll be going to be on the streets in two years anyways. So again why in the hell am I alive and why was I born. I don't get it because I should've been dead so many times from different things especially lighting. I just feel like such a loser. 

Feeling so alone.

Wish I had a women in my life. Sad that I got to look at websites and other things to see women let alone naked women. Can't seem to find anyone who wants see me especially naked. I hate being alone. I wish someone wanted to share their life with me. I know I can be an ass at times. Who isn't an ass at times?  I seem to be good with kids.  Anyways. This asshole is done for now.

I hate myself.

I so hate myself. I have no damn idea why I was born. I've tried my whole life to do the Lords will. And every time I try to find a woman and prayed about it he always said no. Thought I found someone boy was I wrong. Still haven't figured out why he let me to go with her if he knew she wasn't one. Can't figure out why when I prayed about marriage I was getting readings about marriage. Just to have a few months later find out she's fucking other guys. It must be on that I am that bad of a person. In the last few days of been trying to get my dad to start taking better care of himself. He was totally ignore me today I got mad and walked out haven't talk to him sents. If he don't care about himself and I guess I don't either. The thing is we go through this all the time. And it usually ends up he is in the hospital because he's dehydrated or some type of infection has gotten going. In the big thing on asking him to do is drink more water. So like I said why am I here but no one cares what I say or try to do.

Wish I were dead.

Will someone just kill me and get this miserable life over with.

Hate my self.

I hate my self I hate my self I hate myself. Why do I get my hopes that a woman might like me. I should know that I am just too damn ugly for anyone to like. Or all that they want is money. Why do I keep having hope that I am going to find someone. Looks like my hand is the only pleasure I'll ever get. How the heck am I supposed to get confidence with women when none of them want to be around me. So fuck you women. So again why in the hell am I here on earth. I can't figure out is when I try to have my prayer time. A lot of the readings I get are from chronicles. How in the hell am I supposed to have descendants if I cannot get one woman to fall in love with me. So fuck you women and fuck you world.