Giving up on love.

I have been trying to find any women who would want to be with me even just to talk. I can't even get that. My ex a few days ago said she didn't want me to leave the church we went to. And since that statement she text me once to find out where some things were at church and like normal nothing since. And I don't get the readings I get during my prayer time. It seems like the lord is saying I will find someone to marry. But more and more in my heart I feel like it will never happen. Where it seems like most of my life I never gave up on getting married. Since i only been with one women my entire life and that was within the last two years. And like normal for me she couldn't stand to be near me. I dont get it because I think I am a nice guy. Its just that I am really shy and not sure of my self around women.

Anyways things going my way a little. Making a little extra cash. The big thing is though is dad is doing better. He saw a doctor the other week and the doctor saw how tired he was and out of it he was. The doctor changed some of his meds and basically gave him some uppers and dad came to life. Where he would sleep most of the day is now awake most of the day. He is alert and joking again. Were it took all his concentration to do anything. Now he can walk and talk with you now.

Wish I could express my self better. Anyways thanks for reading this idiots blog.

Crappy start to the year.

Well it has not been a good new year. Started off the year with my dad in the hospital. While there had a seizure and went into cardiac arrest. Gratefully they were able to revive him. Had to fight to get him put into a nursing home. Finally were able to getting into one. The place where he was staying did not take the best care of him. He was there three weeks and had only one bath. Got him in a new nursing home now. Wish I could say he's doing better but he's not. You can be talking to them he falls asleep on you. To be honest I don't know if he will ever come home. If that's the case how are we going to pay for this. I have no idea what I'm going to do concerning my dad. If I were to find someone to get married to. I had always hope to have one parent there. By the way things are going I won't have a parent there. And lately my ex has been texting me again. She let me know of some people she would like prayers for. When I tried to talk back to her again I get nothing. I'm wondering what's going on with those people that she asked me to pray for. But like normal she don't want to talk to me. This hurts so much. I just wish I knew what to do. Been trying to find someone to go with. Only place I've really been looking for someone is online since I don't have a chance to get out. Getting frustrated. Have had differently women want to talk to me. But it always comes down to going to some website where they come right out and ask for money. Well people I don't have money. Just wish I could find someone that wants me for me. And I don't understand why it seems that the Lord wants me to continue to pray for my ex. And at times it seems like he still wants me to marry her. Just wish I knew what the Lord wants of me. Well thanks for reading my rant.