later

Been real busy lately. I'll try to post soon. Thought things going better. Wrong!

Yep my life sucks.

Today I was hoping me and my ex could talk. And pray about things. And she said she would be there on Sunday. Was talking to her last night and I didn't think it would happen today. Got a text about 11 today and she was saying she was really tired and whatnot. At that point in time I knew she would not show up. So I got to where I was going and did what I did to do. And sure enough she never showed up. I really needed her to show up today. Come to find out she did a bunch of running around today. I really need to talk to her today and pray about things. And like always I can never find anyone to pray with. Just seems like no matter what I say or do I'm always wrong. So like I have Said my life sucks. So again why am I here on earth. People say they care about me. But when ever I need help with anything or prayers i never find anyone to help me or pray with me. And then people wonder why I do everything myself.

Things looking better

Thank you Lord I am not so down. Thank you Lord me my ex are talking again. Yesterday We got to talk some. And that was good I needed that. Today got some things done around the house. And got to talk some more today with my ex. The thing I liked the most is she text me. Most of the time its me that starts conversation. Another good thing is I feel more up today.Thanks for the prayers. Now I just need to get doing more physical stuff to get back into shape.

Still confused

I still don't know what to do. I guess one thing I hope I continued to do. I hope I continue to do this blog. Well me and my ex-girlfriend met up again today. I guess first off I should say. That the last couple of days or so. I have been praying so much. That the Lord will Schillingwood I am supposed to do with regards to a relationship with her. I was praying that lord would show me what this relationship supposed to be not what I or she wants but what he wants it to be. I don't know I guess when we finally ate supper today. I guess I kind of felt a peace come over me. I hope she did too. I guess I still believe she's the one that Lord has called me to. I hope I'm doing this right. Please Lord help us and heal us. Help us to do your will in this relationship. So if anyone actually reads this. And believes in the Lord Jesus Christ. Please pray for us. That this relationship will be of him not us. Thank you so much.

Just like normal

Just like normal the one I was engaged to does not have time for me. How shocking. She says she wants to do things together. But every time I let her know I am in the area. Oops busy.  First she was studding. that I can understand. She shows up and all she does is bitch about the new teacher. Briefly ask how I am doing. And I say I don't know. A few other things said and I got to go. Friends coming over and better get there for other sister. Ok see you. Ill be doing stuff for awhile. Maybe then we could do something. Ok see how things go. # hours later I get ready to come home if no reply from text. sure enough nothing after 5 min. Ab out half way home so good 10 min later. Oops missed text. A few minutes later They still here. Again I try to do things with her. And again she don't want to. Yet she says she loves me and wants to do things. Again the readings I get is to be understanding. I am so frustrated. What the hell am I supposed to do. I feel like her little boy toy that she batts around when she gets board. See I care for you.

Confused

I wish I knew what to do. I have know idea who I am. OR why the fuck I am alive on this earth. aAll I do is mess things up. I hate my life. I hate my existence. A big part of me wishes I was dead. Please help me Lord. I can not stand my self.

Still hate my self

I still hate my self. Why am I here? Who am I supposed to be? By this age you know who you are and what your life will be. Me I have know idea who I am or what I am supposed to do. I thought I found someone to marry but that didn't work. I don't have any skills that companies are looking for. So I cant find a job that pays well. So i guess it is a good thing not getting married couldn't afford it anyway. I try to give my two cents worth on different subjects and like normal it is ignored. All though most of the time down the road I am proven right. So again why am I here. Nobody wants to listen what I say.