Still here but all alone

Well I am still here. Still wish I were dead. But that is up to God. I am still praying he will let me die. Well the only friend I had has left. She was the one I had asked to marry me. The last couple months she wanted space so I gave it to her. She has had a rough life. For a while I tried to stay around to help her even though she asked for space. The reason I tried to stay around was scared for her that she would go to back to her old life style. And I need a friend to lean on but she didn't see that. So I left our church and her so she could have space. Still trying to be a friend I would text or email her saying I am praying for her and I love her. Then I noticed my text weren't going through. She had said earlier that she was taking phone in for repair so I gave it up to that. Then one night I was feeling down and tried to call her. I could not get through so I texted her sister to find out what going on. Now remember still feeling down. Got email back she changed her number. Her reason she had a stocker bothering her. So now I am a stocker? Thanks. So last couple weeks tried to forget her. But it started a couple days ago. I started to get the feeling something very wrong with her. As in she going back to her old life style. The lord put it so strong on my heart I could not help but email her. The lord was telling to have her stop what she is about to do. That what she is about to do concerned her very soul. And since then I have sent her about five more emails. I could not stop my self. I am so scared for her. One thing is her very life. That if she goes that way she will die very soon. And I told her ask God for forgiveness and ask him to help you. And I told her to give herself totally to the Lord. And when she would he would bless her in way she could not imagine. I can not explain what it means to give it all to the Lord. It just is. So please if anyone reads this please pray for her. I am still very scared for her. I know that I have killed my last friendship I had. The reason I say I have no friends is. All that I had were from church. And over the years the ones I had have left for different reasons. Just grown apart over the years. And it doesn't help that I am very shy. As for other people in my life. I got family and work associates.  So like I said she was my last friend. I know I was not the best boyfriend. I knew she had issues and she knew I did. I could except the way she was and how she hurt me. I don't understand why she couldn't do the same. When ever she need help I would drop all I was doing and help her. But when I needed help She was to busy for me. So yes I would get upset and at times mad. So here I am all alone. Yes it hurts. But right now I am more concerned for her life. So Again if anyone reads this please pray for her. I know I can never have her as a friend again. Unless God makes it happen. But I am so concerned for her life and soul. Thank you for praying for her. Bye